May mga bagay na sadyang pinagsisihan natin ‘pag nalaman natin. Isa na rin sigurong downfall ng pagiging tao natin: disappointment dahil sa curiosity. Pa’no kung mga hayop nalang tayo; mga insekto’t ibong malaya sumusunod lang sa agos, parang yung sa food cycle at food web (yum yum haha), monotonous kumbaga. Hindi naghahangad ng pagbabago, hindi nagrarason, hindi nanggulo sa pagalam sa sagot sa bakit at paano.
Napaisip ako. Sila siguro ang tunay na malaya. Tayo ang nakakulong sa hawla, binubuhay ang buhay din natin. ‘Eto ang takda natin eh. Ang magtanong, maghanap, at magtanto.
Ginawa ko ‘yung video dahil ‘eto ‘yung mga oras na nag-iisip ako pero napapatigil nalang ako’t napapatulala sa kalikasan. ‘Yung pakiramdam na malaya ka na sa katahimikan ng pag-iisip at pakikinig nalang ang inaatupag, parang ibang hayop. Parang sa meditasyon, pakikinig lang at walang iniisip na iba. Hinding hindi matatahimik ang paligid, pero ang sarili natatahimik.
Hihi. The vacation feels took a bit longer than expected, but despite having to wait for the oh-so-awaited August 11 start of classes, I had been bombarded by tasks instead!
- 1 of 4 articles I have accomplished and I think it’s the deadline already but I see no buggers, and I feel bad. Nyerk. Aside from gathering data and writing assignments, the off weather seems to push deadlines further and further. Oh well, I got the data anyway, creative juices nalang and the actual writing.
- Photoshop skills lvl 9999. On the other hand, the commitment in my org in the publicity committee took an early job for me, assigning me to create birthday pubmats for the month, which are very tedious (and requires a lot of creativity) to do.
- As I called it back in May, Operation Balik Alindog! Haha, for starters and lay people, it’s a simple diet-exercise attempt, and I’m too lazy like today sitting in front of the desktop, instead of being in the gym (and my month’s subscription’s nearing). Iyak na ‘ko, I need to be fit soon.
- Student Media Congress. It will happen on Friday and Saturday at DLSU, and I am stoked. I love workshops and talks, especially with this being related to my course, things I’m interested in. And the added competition just adds to the excitement! I enrolled in a competing workshop on Photojournalism. Honestly, part of me is motivated in case I grab a prize, but half of it is actually getting my camera a good use, somehow lessons on photography for the first time without Youtube tutorials and self-study. And, it’s for school pub purpose. Aside from the Photojournalism workshop, I got technical workshops on contemporary visual culture (the arts is love) and media ethics (course application).
With the thought of school coming, it just gets me turned on. Whut? No people would ask me why I’m not in school, oh come on. No more lazy couch potato, no video games.
August, I can almost touch you. So much things to look forward to!
- I already want to stay on that apartment, that up-and-down empty space with lb friends, and we’ll fill it up with actual ‘house stuff’ once we get our hands on money, together of course. No more one-room dorm horror, with a curfew everyone hates and 8-men-in-one-room mess, an actual tornado of what a stereotypical ‘boy’ messy room is. No more mountain 15-minute walks to the dorm, but an apartment with actual civilization.
- Classes! Sophomore year is majors year, not really fun because acads, but look, maybe it’s time to actually make friends with coursemates that I failed to do obviously, last academic year. And hello, Street Jazz PE! It was all in the plan of us high school-college buddies to be classmates on this gut-filled, hyped PE class!
- 4-month long lost people. The actual people you haven’t seen for what felt like a decade! (Clingy) Think of the vacation stories everyone will talk about… (Umm, sitting all day, etc) Think of the new ‘them’ along with new looks, new bodies, new personalities.
- The actual university! Despite the FB pictures of the bald-shaven trees in UPLB, I badly miss my home 5 days a week. And realizing I’m already a sophomore, three years (sana) of college left, I couldn’t just want more but to cherish and love the place I will come back to again and again.
In the present, I could do nothing but to wait.
The silence everywhere was intoxicating.
I grasped for air, hearing my breath as I inhale, then exhale. If I listened carefully, I could almost hear my heart thud, thud. Momentarily disturbed by the cacophony of the crickets outside the windows.
The blackout has taken long enough to drive me away from my sanity. I found myself listening harder and more focused than on normal days, what else was there to do anyway.
In the dark, there are no more still shadows across a distance to be feared but our own shadows dancing in the empty walls from the illumination of the candlelight. The once rhythm of the air conditioner or the electric fan at night has been replaced by nature’s subjective haunting tones, interfered by passing aircraft time to time.
I lay in bed, sprawled out across the mattress praying for cool winds. But as silence kills and darkness swallows, I am caught up drenched in sweat and serenity.
I made an effort to check my phone now and then, cautious too of its unnerved battery life. It was the light source for me aside from the half moon’s stare, a reminder and reality check that there is no darkness, just the absence of the nightlight I had been used to.
In my mind I hum a lullaby, singing my psyche to sleep, to think of nothing else. The fear and irritation around me, which is the nothingness, was the not the best idea for inner peace and zen.
In dire hope of electricity, I wanted to fast forward to tomorrow, at the daylight without the crickets, without the struggle of sleep, without the nights.
I curse calamity, I curse unstable wirings, I curse whatever is the reason behind this blackout, I curse Meralco.
Ohgod, just return the power back on.
'Fibonacci' in oil p., pigment